The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) is a widely recognised framework designed to measure an individual's response to conflict situations.

Developed by psychologists Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann in the early 1970s, the model identifies five primary ‘modes’ of dealing with conflict, distinguished by two dimensions:

assertiveness (the extent to which an individual attempts to satisfy their own concerns), and…
co-operativeness (the extent to which an individual attempts to satisfy the concerns of the other person)

A diagram of the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict model

Thomas Kilmann Conflict model diagram — Click the image to enlarge. Click here to download a high-resolution version of this image – just link to BiteSize Learning if you use it.

The five conflict modes

🤺 Competing

High assertiveness
Low cooperativeness

This mode involves pursuing one's own concerns at the other person's expense, using whatever power seems appropriate to win one's own position — standing up for one's rights, defending a position which one believes is correct, or simply trying to win.

Fundamental to this approach is the belief that one’s own side has the 'more important’ view and must take precedence, combined with the perception that what the ‘other side wants’ is mutually exclusive.

This could be effective in situations where quick, decisive action is needed, such as in emergencies, or where unpopular actions need implementing, such as cost-cutting or enforcing unpopular rules.

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Collaborating

High Assertiveness
High Cooperativeness

This mode involves working with the other party to find a solution that fully satisfies the concerns of both. It entails digging into an issue to identify the underlying concerns of the two individuals and to find an alternative that meets both sets of concerns.

This constructive approach valuable when the quality and acceptance of the solution are critical, encouraging creative problem solving and integration of multiple viewpoints. It can also generate solutions that are more durable in the long term.

🤝 Compromising

Moderate assertiveness
Moderate cooperativeness

This mode is intermediate in both assertiveness and cooperativeness. The objective is to negotiate some expedient, mutually acceptable solution that partially satisfies both parties.

Compromising may be useful when the goals are moderately important, but not worth the effort or potential disruption of more assertive approaches. It can provide a quick, middle-ground solution – something acceptable (if imperfect) to both sides that feels roughly ‘fair.’

🫣 Avoiding

Low assertiveness
Low cooperativeness

This mode involves ignoring the conflict altogether – or postponing the issue to be dealt with by others or at a later time. People might choose this mode when when the issue is trivial, when there's no chance of winning, or when the potential damage of confronting a conflict outweighs the benefits of its resolution. Sometimes it’s less of a conscious choice and more of an automatic response for a party that lacks the confidence to use a more assertive Competing style.

💁🏻‍♀️ Accommodating

Low Assertiveness
High Cooperativeness

This mode involves neglecting one's own concerns to satisfy the concerns of the other person; there is an element of self-sacrifice in this mode. This could be used when maintaining harmony and avoiding disruption are more important than winning, or if one realizes the other side actually deserves to prevail.

Related concepts

This is very similar to the concept of being passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and assertive, also known as ‘I’m OK, You’re OK’
People that struggle to assert themselves find it difficult to access the collaborative and competitive modes; but they can start to feel resentful about constantly accommodating and avoiding
Some people may receive others’ assertiveness as inherently uncooperative – assuming that their interlocutor is seeking to compete rather than collaborate. But meeting them with an equally confident energy, and an open mind to match, might allow a collaborative solution to be found
Notice that only the collaborative mode seeks mutually beneficial outcomes or ‘win/wins’ – the others have a more zero-sum mindset where one side or the other must prevail
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