Managing friends at work

So, you’ve gone from grabbing after-work drinks with your teammates… to managing them.⁠⁠🫠

Maybe it’s a brand-new promotion, or maybe the structure’s shifted - and now you're leading people you used to sit next to.

Either way, it can feel a bit weird – and no one really tells you how to handle it.

Let’s talk about the tricky stuff. The dynamics that come up when you’re managing friends at work, and how to keep everything running smoothly.

Three pitfalls of managing friends

1. Playing favourites (or being accused of it)

Even if you’re fair to a fault, people might perceive you as favouring your friend – or your friend might expect a bit of special treatment. Either way, it puts pressure on you to prove you’re being neutral. You might end up overcompensating, and this can strain the relationship.

2. Struggling with boundaries

It’s one thing to vent about a difficult colleague to a friend. It’s another when you’re the one expected to manage the fallout. Shifting from “mate” to “manager” means the tone of conversations has to change – and that can feel uncomfortable for both of you.

3. Avoiding difficult conversations

You know you need to give feedback. But it’s your friend. So you hesitate. You sugar-coat. You hope they’ll just notice and sort it out themselves. (Spoiler: they won’t.)

Poor performance, attitude issues, or missed deadlines don’t go away just because someone’s your mate.

What does our team say?

“…my friend got a promotion, and I was really happy for her! But she really struggled to give me ANY feedback, and just quietly corrected my work. She thought she was avoiding conflict, but she was actually creating it!”

“I’ve been on the other side - I had to speak to a friend about an issue. It was so awkward, but the alternative was MY manager getting involved - so I had to remind myself it was actually in their best interest.”

What does the research say?

There’s plenty of research showing that strong friendships at work can lead to:

✅ Better collaboration
✅ Faster decision-making
✅ Stronger trust and psychological safety

But… (you knew that was coming, right?)

There are risks too:

❌ Blurred boundaries
❌ Perceptions of favouritism
❌ Emotional burnout from trying to be everything to everyone

One study found that managers with strong friendships in their team often felt more pressure to avoid conflict. And that reluctance to challenge behaviours early, can quietly erode team standards over time.

So what can you actually do?

Four methods to manage the new dynamic

1. Create clarity through conversation

One of the best things you can do is sit down with your friend and talk it through. Acknowledge the shift, be open about what’s changed, and set some clear expectations – together. You don’t need to stop being friendly, but you do need to build new boundaries.

2. Be consistent with everyone

That means being equally generous with praise, equally firm with feedback, and transparent about how decisions are made. Consistency builds trust – not just with your friend, but with the rest of your team too.

3. Keep the friendship outside of work

You don’t need to cut them off. But it helps to keep work conversations professional and save personal stuff for outside hours (within reason!).

If you’ve got other close friends in the team, the same rules apply – it’s about creating a culture where everyone feels included and respected.

4. Make space to manage

Let’s be honest, most new managers are promoted because they’re great at their job… and then expected to immediately become a great manager without any training!

If you’re already swamped, the emotional load of managing friends can push you over the edge.

If this sounds familiar, carve out time each week dedicated to management. That might mean regular 1:1s, time for additional training, or simply giving yourself space to think.

Managing friends can work

In fact, it can work really well! But it takes a bit of honesty, a lot of self-awareness, and a willingness to lean into the awkward bits. If you can do that, you’ll set the tone for a team culture that’s built on trust, not just friendships.

Check out our latest blog on Communicating with Intention for more ideas on building better relationships.

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